I AM SO SCARED

I’m so scared of living. I’m so scared of myself. I’m so scared of what I’ve become. I’m so scared of everything

I can’t calm myself down

I can’t stop my mind from battling itself

I can’t stop thinking about dying

I can’t stop panicking internally

I can’t stop myself from cutting

I can’t stop myself from hating myself

I can’t enjoy anything

I don’t want to be in my own skin anymore

I just want to escape and never come back

Giving Up

I’m in denial of my eating disorder. I am frail but I refuse to acknowledge the needs of my weak body. My insides areĀ failing and dying but I disregard their screams for nourishment. My head is all over the place but I dismiss my severely troubled mind. I have ruined all my friendships but I ignore every opportunity to fix them. I have no motivation to do anything and I am giving up on life. I am in denial of my struggles, I disdain myself.

*Trigger Warning* –

purged two times today but i ate afterwards so i am a fraud. i don’t have the willpower to starve after throwing up. i am fat and unworthy of recovery. sorry.