I AM SO SCARED

I’m so scared of living. I’m so scared of myself. I’m so scared of what I’ve become. I’m so scared of everything

I can’t calm myself down

I can’t stop my mind from battling itself

I can’t stop thinking about dying

I can’t stop panicking internally

I can’t stop myself from cutting

I can’t stop myself from hating myself

I can’t enjoy anything

I don’t want to be in my own skin anymore

I just want to escape and never come back

Relapsing(?)

It’s getting worse and worse. I’ve been eating a little more than I’m used to, but the voices are stronger than ever. These couple days have been the hardest. I gave in to urges several times… (still haven’t gone more than 3 days without purging sigh)

I can feel the pounds piling on and I don’t know what to do. My mind is a mess. Exams are next week but I don’t know the contents of my subjects because I haven’t been fuelling my brain properly for it to operate. I am dying inside but no one knows! The pressure is on. Someone stab me please.

What has my life come to?

– sincere apologies for the extreme negativity –

I have lost my motivation and energy to live

I have lost my positivity

I have lost my friendliness and personality

I don’t want to see anyone anymore

I don’t want to talk to anybody

I just want to be alone

I am in the depths of my eating disorder with a love-hate relationship for it

I am obsessed with the feeling of emptiness and the sensation of being hungry

I have an irrational conceptualization of calories eaten and burnt

It’s getting absolutely absurd and my life is ridiculous

I am hopeless… I don’t deserve support or help or anything other than to die

Reassurance

Everything is wrong…Nothing is going the way that they’re supposed to. I can’t do this anymore.

But I wouldn’t want anyone to feel this way!! Ever. Because I know how much it hurts and breaks me from the inside. ..So I stole a few motivational and somewhat uplifting images from Tumblr and just thought I’d share it on here, for both myself and anyone who needs it. I hope that you’re all okay and just know that you are not alone. Most importantly, it’s okay to not be okay.

Remember that. I promise that you are worth it. Please take care of yourself like you would take care of somebody else going through the same thing. (Don’t beat yourself up over it) ❤

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Take some time to pamper yourself – have a cup of coffee/tea, read a book, take a nap, enjoy a bath, eat some chocolate, do whatever your heart desires.

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No one’s perfect!

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Listen to this cute giraffe okay? 🙂

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It will be difficult but I hope you take care of yourself. This journey will undoubtedly be a struggle, we are in this together!

Pointless Post

I have been struggling so much recently. Everything is spiralling downwards – it just hurts so much, you know? I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I honestly have no motivation to do anything. Finals are next week and I have no idea how I’m going to cope. I honestly want to blog more but I literally don’t have the energy to concentrate on writing anything legible.